November Newsbyte

November NEWSBYTE

Dear Friends

I hope this Newsbyte  finds you all well and happy!

A full description of courses on the website.

Click: Calendar 2017

All Past Tips All Past Tips

Tip o’ the Day below

Passive Aggression

Diary:

I’ve just come back from teaching in Dublin, Paris, Lausanne, Oxford and London. And I was delighted to find that that the Lausanne based group, led by Anne Michel, has bought a property. There are two types of centres – one owned by individuals and others owned by a trust of one sort or another. Individually owned properties rarely last beyond the life of the owner, but those owned by public bodies sustain. So it is to be celebrated when a long standing group finds the support to buy a communal centre for practice. Sadhu!

 

I hope to be there next year. You can see their centre here: Mudita  (Joy)

Special Appeal from our Chair : Rob Poleykett

CO2 levels mark 'new era' in the world's changing climate: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-37729033

It’s important we do what we can at Satipanya

At a rough estimate around £6,000 has been donated. Many thanks indeed!

We now have more clear costs of the solar panels and air source heating system:

From Richard Hill, our alternative supplier:

Re the PV for the new accommodation block we could fit 2 rows of 16 panels in portrait, approximately 9kW and would cost some £13,000.

Guideline pricing for Viessmann Vitocal 300A 301.B Airsource heatpump

The price of the machine :Viessmann Vitocal 300-A Airsource heatpump 14kW = £13,600

Air Source System Price Installed £22,208

So we still have some way to go!

Am I being presumptuous to think that many of you will have wanted to donate, but didn’t quite get round to it. Well, there is still plenty of time, because these systems won’t be fitted till late January.

You can read the original appeal: Special Accommodation Block Appeal

You can donate directly from Donations

 

Thanking  you  all.

Rob Poleykett

Accommodation Block: Slowly, slowly, the building rises from the ground.

Take a look: Accommodation Block

Most recent:

 

Please Note: Xmas course is cancelled this year.

Calendar 2017please note you can apply from the start of October for the new long Winter Mahasi Course. It is only for those who have done at least one weeklong course in the Mahasi Tradition either here or in another meditation centre and it will be a little more demanding than the Summer Mahasi – but only a little! See below for details.

 

 

Applications for all other courses: please do not apply until after 08 January.

 

Karuna Book: Every morning at puja we call the names of those who a sick /dying or having a hard time. 

Mudita Book: Every evening at puja we call the names of those who have something to rejoice about.

Rest of 2016

Assistants Needed

N.B. All the courses are serviced by assistants.

As an assistant, we do not expect payment of the deposit because you have kindly offered your time.

And as usual any dana by you is entirely in your gift.

However, your commitment is essential, for the course would be very difficult to run without an assistant and may indeed have to be cancelled.

 

If you are interested, follow this link: Course Assistant

 

For info. about Retreats and teachers see website www.satipanya.org.uk

See drop down menus: especially About Us, Teachings and Retreats

 

Would you like to come and assist on a course?

Scroll down to see where we need you.

 

All Retreats run by Bhante Bodhidhamma

unless otherwise stated

Click on names for bio.

 

Day Retreat

Day Retreat

Kick Start/Top up

Saturday 03 December

Local Assistant : Needed

Arrive 09.30. Finish 17.00

Please bring food to share.

 

Xmas Retreat Cancelled

 

New Year Retreat

Places Available

Thurs. 29 December to Mon. 02 January

Assistant : Anne Aston

 N.B. This retreat is reserved for those who have completed a Retreat as Satipanya.

The first day will be a normal retreat schedule though we shall rise at 5.30.

An opportunity to make it a day of fasting

in solidarity with the one in nine people undernourished and starving.

On the second day, the Eve, we will see in the New Year.

During a group event, you will be asked to tell us about an event which has had a effect upon you - international, national or local or personal.

We hope to have a bonfire.

A day to reflect on the past year, plenty of time to oneself.

Retreatants will be asked to say a little about an virtuous event chosen by them.

The third day, New Years Day, is communal with a walk – weather permitting.

 

Winter Eight Week Mahasi

Applications from October onward.

Open to those who have done at least a one week course at Satipanya

Or one week with another Mahasi teacher.

You are encouraged to stay for more than one week.

Assistant first Two weeks : Jim Tibby

Assistant for other Six Weeks: Mark Blaxland

 

Sat 14 Jan. - Sun 22 Jan    :    Sun 22 Jan - Sat 28 Jan 

     Sat 28 Jan - Sun 5 Feb    :    Sun 5 Feb - Sat 11 Feb 

                            Sat 11 Feb - Sun 19 Feb    :     Sun 19 Feb - Sat 25 Feb

                Sat 25 Feb - Sun 5 Mar    :     Sun 5 March - Sat 11 March 

Passive Aggression

There are times when we are not getting what we want and feel angry, upset, disappointed and so on. Yet for one reason or another we won’t accept the situation and work towards getting it. Because we feel such negativity, we are not able to talk calmly about the problem. We don’t want to be openly angry either for fear of the other’s reaction and they may be more powerful, such as the boss at work, for instance.

So we find ourselves in an unhappy situation and yet unable to ‘do’ anything about it. So we may choose to behave in a way to undermine the other, not realising that this is making things worse. Unfortunately, it may be an habitual way of reacting and we may not even be aware of our behaviour as an expression of anger, frustration and so on. We are bewildered as to why the other got so upset with us. We may not be aware that we are indulging in a form of bullying.

A common strategy is to ignore the person you are angry with. You may be justifying it ("she’s impossible!"), but you actually want to avoid conflict and punish them at the same time. Consider how you feel when you are ignored.

Another is to be late. You may give yourself all sorts of excuses – had to do this and that, the mobile rang, just missed the bus, the train and so on. How do you feel when someone is late a lot of the time? Here at Satipanya, how do you feel when the same person repeatedly comes in just a minute or two after time?

Spiteful withdrawal of the usual things you would do - sex, cooking, gardening, taking on responsibility not strictly yours at work and then not doing it without telling anyone. How do you react when someone acts like this towards you?

Doing something badly and then blaming anyone, everyone. But actually you couldn’t be bothered. And anyway you didn’t like the way you were asked or ‘why was I asked to do this’. How do you feel when you’ve asked someone to do something for you and they have agreed, but obviously done it in a slapdash way and there is a feeling of irritation in the air.

And all such strategies can be used at work to undermine the boss or the junior.

If you know yourself to be a frequent user of passive aggressive strategies, it is good to ask yourself in what way does this help a situation? Surely it would be better to find an occasion – no matter how difficult it may be – to be honest with the other.  If the situation becomes intolerable, it may be worth losing a friendship at work rather than carry on feeling angry, frustrated and miserable all the time.

If we are on the receiving end of passive aggression, what can we do? Often it is a case of the elephant in the room. We have to wait for a time and place to talk to the person, undermine any fear they have of us; let them be clear that we are willing to accept that we may have behaved wrongly; that we are prepared to come to an arrangement. The worst we can do is to react with anger. If they are unaware of their passive aggression, they will just deny it.

Why are you sulking? : I’m not sulking.

Is there something wrong?  :  No!

I feel you are angry with me.  :  Why would I be angry with you?

You are late again.  :  Everyone is late once in a while. Why are you so angry about it?

You’ve done the job so poorly.  :  Sorry! I know you would have done it better.

As far as our practice is concerned, it is always better to keep close contact with our feelings. They tell us how we are reacting. To be honest with ourselves. To make sure we don’t act passive aggressively – especially against someone who is being passively aggressive! That will only make the situation worse and make us feel worse.

A couple of months back, I was getting very strong passive aggressive signals from the neighbouring family. Even the boy gave me dirty looks. I finally got the opportunity to talk to the wife.  I told her I was getting a lot of bad feelings from them and asked her if she could tell me why? "I’m sure there’s been a misunderstanding." She denied the whole thing! My hope then was to catch the husband and try another tack.  Then something strange happened. I went out to the post box and they were coming down the road. I greeted them. They were both very welcoming. Then they went to the gate to see their two very beautiful, Shetland ponies and their foals. I joined them and he suddenly started a friendly conversation. I never did get to the bottom of it.

If all this strikes a bell, there’s lots on the websites.

I found this informative:

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/passive-aggressive.html

 

 

Also if you fail to receive a monthly NEWSBYTE, please, look in spam

or re-establish the email by filling in the form in MAILING LIST at the bottom of the front page of the website.

Many thanks.

Finally, please forward this email if you know someone who may be interested. Thanks.

 

Metta

Onward 

Bodhidhamma

Away Calendar

 

SATIPANYA  BUDDHIST TRUST

www.satipanya.org.uk   

Directors - Rob Poleykett, Richard Benjamin, Dea Paradisos, Jim Tibby

 

Limited Company Number 05924965 Registered Charity Number 1116668

Satipanya, White Grit, Minsterley, Shropshire  SY5 0JN
T:
0044 (0)1588 650752  email: bodhidhamma@satipanya.org.uk  info: info@satipanya.org.uk

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